Monday, December 5, 2011

Culture - Twitter (A New Course in Linguistic Anthropology)

I hate 2011. 

Just sayin'.

There has been a lot of bad, heavy shit that's gone on in my life this year and I am ready for it to be O to the VER. 

Just sayin'.

So I've spent the past couple weeks daydreaming about 2012. In 2012 I'm going to be skinnier, happier and more productive -- all in that order. 

So naturally, I'm eating more than ever now as I bid farewell to each of my favorites food. Because, in 2012, they will no longer be my companions. 

But then I wonder, if I am not eating, what the hell will I do with my time?

I've decided to try this thing called Twitter. Oh, you've heard of it? Oh, it's been around forever? Sheesh. I thought its primary purpose was for me to track down food trucks.

But I see that people use it for all sorts of interesting things. I just can't make out what they are....

I think I am going to need a crash course in Twatty speak. Hold on. I'll be right back. Googling....googling....

Ok, I found this....




 And already I feel overwhelmed and confused and a little bit peckish.

Googling, googling....

This is more like it.


Oh my word. In reading the "What Not To Do" section, I see I have already committed a Twitter faux pas...

"When you first sign up and before you start regularly tweeting, don’t follow hundreds of people. If you follow someone, he checks out your profile to see whether he might want to follow you back; if he sees that you’ve tweeted once or twice and you’re following hundreds of people, he may think you’re just a spam account."

Well, I do follow a ton of people and I've tweeted exactly twice. One time, it was to win some sort of giveawayAnd the second time was in hopes of getting the attention of a certain NPH. 

(If you don't know that stands for Neil Patrick Harris, then I'm not sure we can be actual friends anymore, let alone Twitter friends.)

Oh, but I do have two followers. One is a food truck. They must know that I'm some sort of roving gourmet expert. 

I'm fairly certain that my second follower is a porn star. She actually just started following me today. We haven't really communicated but I think she gets me. Her name is Lillian and her tweets are very inspirational. She says things such as, "There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child." It's too deep for my comprehension but maybe, if I visit xxx-orgies.com, I will reach a higher truth. 

I have a lot to learn before I get started. I do not understand all the shorthand quite yet. I'm a big believer in "Why don't you try using fewer words?" But I think I'm missing the point, or the challenge, of the Twitter universe.

My new Twitter handle is @smallfriesblog and I'm too inept to even figure out how to link that shit right now. I'll get back to you on that. But follow me and I'll follow you and we'll tweet that shit right in 2012. 


Word. 



2 comments:

Juggling With Kids said...

My Twitter is connected to my FB page...so it looks like I tweet...but I'm really just facebooking. =)

Michelle said...

I am trying to figure that out right now!