Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Confession -- Happy Blogiversary To ME!

February 2nd came and went without much fanfare but, inside my neurotic little brain, I was doing a Spartan cheer for my blog's anniversary!

I started this blog two years ago but took a whole year off of writing. Let's just say I was going through a buttload of crappy life stuff that just inhibited my funny juices. (That was a really vile sentence.) 

At the time I started feeling real guilt for not writing regularly. When I told my therapist about the shame and inner turmoil, she practically laughed at me. "How can you feel like a failure for not writing a blog?" Tip of the iceberg, lady.

But, anyway, I took a nice blog-cation. And life got better, as it often does. 

So now I want to celebrate the 12 full months of fun this little site has brought to my life!

Here are some stats from Blogger that I find particularly amusing...

In addition to the United States, I am also big in the UK, Canada, RUSSIA, Germany and Malaysia. And by "big" I mean that tens of people have stumbled onto Small Fries via strange search engine searches. TENS of peoples, people!

And these are some of those brilliant searches that have spurred my global popularity...

Really drunk bitch (Well, obviously!)
Naked older women (I am truly sorry for disappointing these people.)

Haggard drunk lady (None of those here. Only drunk ladies with grace and style!)

Naked amazon woman (You will actually find her near the fountain of youth. Not here. Unfortunately.)

Shitty woman (Why would anyone bother searching for this?)

Your facebook makes me want to punch babies (I do not know. I just do not know. But I kinda felt that way around the election.)

hot gay chubby ass toys (If only you could find this on Small Fries....If only...)
fear of the duck (Many fears are covered here. Duck is not one of them. But I welcome all phobias!)

forever recipe (I don't know what the recipe for "forever" is but, if it's marriage-related, you may want to try elsewhere.)

porn that looks illegal but isn’t (I swear to you, NEITHER exist here!!!)

talking ducks in magical try to boil two kids in movie on family channel (This one is my favorite because it is so specific and it sounds both creepy and awesome at the same time. Two searches of this phrase led someone to me.)
big brain big mouth (My new slogan.)

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Google and the baby Jesus. I'd also like to thank Larry for proof-reading my posts from time to time. He's the "big brain" to my "big mouth."

And, most of all, I'd like to thank everyone who welcomed me back by reading! I dedicate every absurd moment in my life to you!