The other day Maya had something important to tell me.
She called me to her room, sat me on her bed and whispered conspiratorially, “We need to get Daddy to eat steak.”
I almost cried. That’s how proud I was.
She had a three-part plan.
“First, we must make it taste like chicken.” Hmmm…tricky. But maybe doable if I extract most of the flavor, fat and goodness.
“Second, we must make it smell like chicken.” I’m not sure what that means. I prefer my chicken not to have an odor.
“Third, we must make it look like a chicken.” I’m imagining a giant chicken mold and some shellacking. I wonder if Michaels would help.
I didn’t have the heart to break it to her that this plan would never work. Larry has a sixth sense that tells him if his food has even shared the same the same atmosphere as beef or pork. He won’t eat food (knowingly) if it has been prepared with the same utensils as the red meat or “the other white meat.”
I don’t understand this life choice but I
enable support it.
He married an OCD lunatic. I married a chick-aterian. Crosses to bear.
But he can’t take away my dreams and fantasies of red, juicy meat.
I live vicariously through my bovine-consuming peers. So here are some recipes that help me through the beef drought and see me through important life moments.
1. Special Occasion Beef – Roasted Beef Tenderloin
Every Christmas Eve, when I break out the good dishes, crack my knuckles and prepare a culinary feast, I have to remind Larry that he is a Jew. Therefore, Christmas isn’t about him. And Imma gonna gets my cow on.
So I prepare the Roasted Beef Tenderloin and allow him to have extra helpings of the crispy shrimp starter I made. It is Christmas, after all.
2. Girlie Beef – Skirt Steak Salad with Blue Cheese
If I was either single or married to Colin Firth (who I assume is a beefeater because he’s as close to perfection as I can imagine), this is what I’d probably eat three or four nights a week.
Nothing says bliss to me like the combination of beef and blue cheese.
3. Indulgent Beef – Rib-eye steak with Bearnaise
No words. Just bug-eyed, drooling day-dreaming.
4. Comforting Beef – German Short Ribs
This is what I make for company when I want them to feel like they are home. They are tender bites of mellow, juicy comfort.
5. Good-time Beef – Italian Drip Beef
If French Dip is on the menu at any restaurant, 9 times out of 10, I am ordering it. Its simple, salty, umami-ness just brings a smile to my face. And they always come with French fries. In reality, I guess they are just a vehicle to get the fries.
I make this in the slow-cooker when Larry’s working late and won’t be home for dinner.
I made it for my dad once and, when he didn’t die of pleasure, I began to wonder if was true that gypsies left me on the doorstep. But then my brother made it and loved it and I knew that we were siblings. Or at least came from the same gypsy family.
So there you have it, five reasons to live and live well. Please email me, text me or leave a comment when you try them or any other beef recipe that makes you do the happy-cow dance....
...on Meatless Monday. My bad.