This morning, I almost had an anxiety attack.
At kinder drop-off, a girlfriend casually mentioned the subject that I obsess over every single year...
She told me that she had already found the perfect costume for her little girl, Keira. Since her daughter is obsessed with Lalaloopsy Dolls, it was absolute kismet that she found Lalaloopsy costumes online.
And I? I'm breaking out in a cold sweat.
Every year, I feel like I need to find THE costume. Of course, kids look cute in anything you put them in. But I'm insane. (No, really I am. This blog hasn't even scratched the surface.)
I will spend no less than 20 hours, per kid, looking for the costume that perfectly compliments their features, their personalities, their skin tone, their aspirations in life, my political views, Larry's fictional budget, my current reading list...
What? Not a normal thought process?
Maya's first Halloween, I picked a cow costume. I have no idea why, after 40 hours of searching, I picked this costume. She looked like a little boy in it. But she was the cutest boy cow EVER.
I think at the time I was dead set on her being a strawberry. But there were no strawberry costumes to be found. Now there are no fewer than 50 to choose from.
The next year, she was a pirate. I was still determined to raise my daughter without forcing her into any gender role. She could be as frilly as she wanted or not. I bought nothing pink. Ever. Everything was gender neutral. So, fighting the Disney princess, I chose a cute pirate.
How feminist am I? And, no, pirates do not hurt anyone. They just like to sail around and say "Arrr...." a lot. The End.
Then she was a mermaid -- a year I would like to forget because the costume was ill-fitting and a disappointment from my original vision. But, she still wears that costume around the house. Yes, the same costume from when she was two years old. Her favorite one by far.
Then Lincoln came and I decided I wanted a classic Halloween. He's a pumpkin. She's a witch. So simple.
Last year, I decided to stay with the classic theme. Bat and Cat. So simple. The sort of simplicity that takes weeks to commit to. Kind of like my decision to marry Lawrence...
This year, things have gotten more complicated.
Maya is starting to have an opinion. I'm not okay with that. First, she asked to be Wonder Woman. I didn't say no. But I refuse to say yes. Way too sexy. It's bad enough that she insisted on buying a Wonder Woman t-shirt that sports a busty superhero. AND she apparently has a boyfriend named Mitchell and they like to play superheroes together.
Ummmmmmm...the fuck you do, little girl. You better find some girl friends and start playing some princess shit, dammit!
Then, I thought it would be cute to dress her as a UCLA cheerleader and Linc as a football player. But then, I thought that I would be endorsing cheerleading as a option in life and nothing could be further from my plans for her. Theater and cheerleading do not mix.
I thought about Snow White and Dopey. It's more about the cute Dopey costume I found on Etsy.
But that would mean I have finally caved and have abandoned all my feminist, non-commercial ideals! But that Dopey costume is reallllly cute.
Today, I found matching costumes at TJ Maxx. Cute AND a bargain. Usually those words are an oxymoron in my book.
Vampiress and Dracula.
But are vampires considered too sexy? And, I guess, there's the whole violent sucking blood factor...
But it's Halloween! What happened to the good ol' gore? Isn't healthy to be a little afraid of the dark?
Maya's been obsessed with Wizard of Oz and Wicked so I suppose I could play it safe with a Dorothy costume and Lion...
By the way, did you know, Ladies, that you could be a sexy tin woman for Halloween? My search is over! Maya is Dorothy, Linc is the Lion, Larry is the Scarecrow and me....
Unfortunately, I see many sleepless nights ahead of me. And we've still got a least six weeks to go.
What will your kids be for Halloween? Do you have the same worldview struggles as I do?