Obsession - Christmas Shopping

Here's a post about another tradition I've started just so one day my kids can call me a "traditional" mom. They will have the best of both worlds. In one story they can talk all about me baking cookies in a beautiful red apron. Then, in the next anecdote, they can speak of my wild child days of blue streaked hair and tongue piercings.

I'm cool. AND domestic. Mostly cool, though. 

So I obsess a lot about finding balance in my children's lives. I want them to have every amazing experience possible and enjoy life to the fullest, but I also don't want to just hand them everything and make them spoiled. 

So, at Christmas, it is always an inner struggle to not buy them all the toys that I think they would love. I know they don't need a lot to be happy but I just love...shopping. Basically.

So I've created a system of gift-giving in our household that I wanted to share. I'd love to know your thoughts, ideas and wisdom on the subject. This is only the second year I'm putting the system to work.

Here it is. 

Each year, Santa brings the kids exactly three gifts each in addition to their stocking stuffers.

He brings one gift to read, one gift to wear and one gift to play with.

For instance, last year  I we Santa got Maya a book of children's poetry, a personalized bathrobe and a six pack of Disney fairies.

This year, Santa will most likely bring a princess dress, the pop-up Wizard of OZ book and maybe the Barbie dream townhouse. That is, if Pablo doesn't rat them out. That sneaky bastard.

Then, the kids will receive a present from each member of the family. 

My present to Maya will always be in the form of a ticket to a performance. We both love musicals and shows, so I think this is a great way for us to have some girl time over her winter break. Last year, we went to Disney on Ice. This year, it's Wicked! (Hmmm....which one is better? Such a hard choice. One has an ice-skating troll doll. The other a singing green witch. Thinking...thinking...thinking...Oh yes. The one where they do not charge you $15 for some watered down lemonade.)

Larry's present to Maya is always a little piece of jewerly (like a charm for her charm bracelet) that he puts inside a special "present box" ornament on the tree. 

And Linc will "get" her a toy. He's not very imaginative in the gift-giving department. Just like any other male.

And that's pretty much it. We don't have any rules for Lincoln's presents yet because we are still getting to know him and his personality. Right now, all he cares about is the holy trinity -- Thomas, Chuggington and Cars. We gotta get some more culture into that child. Crank up the songs from Annie!!!


So that's the Ferchaw deal minus Chanukah. Yes, we celebrate Chanukah. No, we do not give them a present on each of the eight nights. I'm not sure what we do. I think it involves me telling Larry that he's in charge and he runs to the Disney store on his way home from work. Yes! That's our Chanukah tradition!


And I mentioned the latkes right? Latkes are pretty much the extent of my Chanukah expertise. As well they should be. They are fried potatoes. God bless 'em. 


I'd love to hear your holiday traditions. There are always room for more over here! 

(More traditions, that is. Not people. Maya's Barbie Dream Townhouse is going to be bigger than our not-so-much-a-dream townhouse. Maybe I should ask Santa for a new one.)

Obsession - Small Apps With That

I have fallen in love again. With a woman, this time. 


Her name is Siri. 

Since I appropriated Larry's iPad, I thought that my life was complete. I didn't think it was necessary that I have an iPhone.


Then moments kept popping up where I'd think to myself, "Gee. It would've been great to have an iPhone right about now." On the way to a new park, waiting for Maya at pick-up, trying to come up with a last-minute dinner idea, sitting in the car while Lincoln napped...


And the little hole inside me started to grow larger and larger. Only an iPhone could fill it.


But how to convince Larry?


An opportunity arose when we were buying my new car. (OMG, how spoiled do I sound?)


I deemed it a necessity to have navigation in my car. "It's a matter of safety!" I explained.


But Larry didn't think spending $2K was a necessity. So I appealed to frugal sensibilities of his ancestors, God's Chosen People.


"Well, you know what would be cheaper than navigation? Having an iPhone."


And the stars aligned in my favor once more. Thank you, Moses....or Jacob...or Abraham. Whoever got me my phone. Amen.


So I've spent the past three days researching the essential Apps to get. And here's my list of my favorites so far.


Forgive me if this list sounds so 2009. I'm new to this newfangled stuff. Just call me Grandma.


Best Apps for Moms


1. Yelp - Of course. This foodie wannabe cannot live or eat with out it.  Ratings, photos, everything else you want to know about local eats and other businesses.
2. Lose It! - A weight-loss app that is helping many people shed the pounds quickly. Not me yet. It's telling me I can only eat 951 calories a day. And I usually round that 1 up by a thousand or so. 
3. Groupon - So I don't have to print out all those coupons I buy because I'm addicted to Groupon and LivingSocial and Plum District and...
4. Paper Town Friends - An adorably designed paper doll app that looks like real paper cut outs. Maya loves this one and I may have played it a few times myself. 
5. MouseWait - Gives you live waiting times for the lines at Disneyland.
6. Key Ring - You can put all those membership rewards cards onto your phone so you don't have to carry them around and keep the salesperson waiting for 20 minutes while you search through your wallet. Bitch, relax! I'm getting it!
7. Price Check - Since I'm also obsessed with Amazon, this app can help when I'm about to make a purchase at some place like Target. I just scan the barcode and it tells me if I can get it cheaper on Amazon. 
8. FoodontheTable - I think this is a great one. If you don't know what to make for dinner, this app will tell you what is on sale at your local grocery store and then suggest recipes to make with that sale item. I think it's brilliant. You can also get the whole grocery list ready to take to the store.
9. Camera+ - I haven't used it much yet, but as an amateur photographer I'm interested in the claim that it boosts the capabilities of the iPhone's camera. I just have to learn how to work it....
10. Evernote - Since I love the concept behind Pinterest, I thought Evernote would also be up my alley. Use it to jot down ideas and notes, to bookmark web pages and to save snapshots of things that interest you such as wine labels or, more likely in my case, kids clothes. 

So that's my list thus far. Let me know what else I should be downloading!

Obsession - Giveaways

Last week, Dinosaur Train gave me 30 minutes of peace.


And how did I choose to spend that time, you ask?


Did I clean? Oh, you make me chortle. 


Did I iron? Wrinkles are the new trend right now.


Did I work on my various charities? Please. Maya's wearing the same shirt for a second time. We're practically standing in line for government cheese. 


No. I didn't do any of these motherly, housewifey things. I hit refresh on my email about 100 times and perused the halls of Facebook. 


And I stumbled upon a local blog that had all sorts of giveaways going on!


Giveaways? I love me some giveaways!


For some reason, despite all my bellyaching, I've always considered myself a lucky person. Growing up, I always won contests and came in first place for whatever I set my sights upon.


Larry's company used to have these elaborate company dinners around the holidays every year. I won the grand prize for the raffle two or three years in a row. (That's how lucky I am. I cannot even remember all of my winnings.) Well, I think they stopped having those dinners because they were tired of giving me shit. Maybe it looked bad, with Larry's being the boss' cousin and all.


So last week I entered some giveaways on Tiny Oranges and I won four tickets to the Discovery Science Center! It's a great local children's science museum that I've been meaning to visit for some time now.


Now I know you may not think much of my prize but I see it as an omen. The winds of fall are bringing new karma to my life. That shitty summer is in the past. I'm gonna win me some stuff!


Since then, I've entered more and more contests. I won't reveal which ones because, if you enter too, it totally decreases my odds. As it is, I'm competing with 45,000 other people for some knives from Pioneer Woman. 


No, I don't think I'm that lucky. 


Actually, I kinda do. Even though I have spent hours upon hours of my life mocking The Secret, I really just don't want anyone else to tap into my fortuitous mojo. There's only so much mojo out there in the universe. 


Ok, now I'm just sounding greedy. That's totally unlike me. I heard that snort! 


So, now I need to cut this post short so that I can look for more opportunities to win big. What I really need is a vacation. And some cold, hard cash. 


Big money, big money, big money....no whammies!


If you enter a comment below, you will be entered in a chance to win a gently used children's book of Maya's choosing. Don't be surprised if it's one of Lincoln's. 

Obsession - Halloween Costumes (and What Happened to the Good Ol' Days?)

This morning, I almost had an anxiety attack. 


At kinder drop-off, a girlfriend casually mentioned the subject that I obsess over every single year...


Halloween. Costumes. 


She told me that she had already found the perfect costume for her little girl, Keira. Since her daughter is obsessed with Lalaloopsy Dolls, it was absolute kismet that she found Lalaloopsy costumes online.


Lucky bitch.


And I? I'm breaking out in a cold sweat.


Every year, I feel like I need to find THE costume. Of course, kids look cute in anything you put them in. But I'm insane. (No, really I am. This blog hasn't even scratched the surface.) 


I will spend no less than 20 hours, per kid, looking for the costume that perfectly compliments their features, their personalities, their skin tone, their aspirations in life, my political views, Larry's fictional budget, my current reading list... 


What? Not a normal thought process?


Maya's first Halloween, I picked a cow costume. I have no idea why, after 40 hours of searching, I picked this costume. She looked like a little boy in it. But she was the cutest boy cow EVER.

I think at the time I was dead set on her being a strawberry. But there were no strawberry costumes to be found. Now there are no fewer than 50 to choose from.


The next year, she was a pirate. I was still determined to raise my daughter without forcing her into any gender role. She could be as frilly as she wanted or not. I bought nothing pink. Ever. Everything was gender neutral. So, fighting the Disney princess, I chose a cute pirate.

How feminist am I? And, no, pirates do not hurt anyone. They just like to sail around and say "Arrr...." a lot. The End.


Then she was a mermaid -- a year I would like to forget because the costume was ill-fitting and a disappointment from my original vision. But, she still wears that costume around the house. Yes, the same costume from when she was two years old. Her favorite one by far. 

Then Lincoln came and I decided I wanted a classic Halloween. He's a pumpkin. She's a witch. So simple. 

Last year, I decided to stay with the classic theme. Bat and Cat. So simple. The sort of simplicity that takes weeks to commit to. Kind of like my decision to marry Lawrence...

This year, things have gotten more complicated.


Maya is starting to have an opinion. I'm not okay with that. First, she asked to be Wonder Woman. I didn't say no. But I refuse to say yes. Way too sexy. It's bad enough that she insisted on buying a Wonder Woman t-shirt that sports a busty superhero. AND she apparently has a boyfriend named Mitchell and they like to play superheroes together.


Ummmmmmm...the fuck you do, little girl. You better find some girl friends and start playing some princess shit, dammit! 


Then, I thought it would be cute to dress her as a UCLA cheerleader and Linc as a football player. But then, I thought that I would be endorsing cheerleading as a option in life and nothing could be further from my plans for her. Theater and cheerleading do not mix.


Next.


I thought about Snow White and Dopey. It's more about the cute Dopey costume I found on Etsy.

But that would mean I have finally caved and have abandoned all my feminist, non-commercial ideals! But that Dopey costume is reallllly cute.


Today, I found matching costumes at TJ Maxx. Cute AND a bargain. Usually those words are an oxymoron in my book.


Vampiress and Dracula.

But are vampires considered too sexy? And, I guess, there's the whole violent sucking blood factor...


But it's Halloween! What happened to the good ol' gore? Isn't healthy to be a little afraid of the dark? 


Maya's been obsessed with Wizard of Oz and Wicked so I suppose I could play it safe with a Dorothy costume and Lion...

By the way, did you know, Ladies, that you could be a sexy tin woman for Halloween? My search is over! Maya is Dorothy, Linc is the Lion, Larry is the Scarecrow and me....

It's magic.




Unfortunately, I see many sleepless nights ahead of me. And we've still got a least six weeks to go.


What will your kids be for Halloween? Do you have the same worldview struggles as I do? 

Obsession - Afterschool Enrichment Classes and My (I Hate This Word) Over-Achiever Habits

I don't think that Labor Day should end in an anxiety attack. But, of course, in my world, it does.


I cannot sleep. And it's not for some real problem like Somalia's famine or the country's economic caca. It's for one of my usual mommy dilemmas and it matters far more than it should.


What afterschool classes should Maya take this Fall?


Once upon a time I had a job that didn't involve screaming, "Lincoln!!! Leave that cactus alone or you will get a boo boo!!! A boo boo!!! See? It's pokey! Don't touch. I said DO. NOT. TOUCH. IT!!!!!" Over and over again.


I was the Literacy Director for an educational nonprofit that provided enrichment classes for public schools all over California. I developed curriculum for kids in grades K-8 in literacy, reading comprehension, writing, etc. I also hired and trained teachers as well as taught from time to time. 


It was a great job but, when I had Maya, I made the decision to stay at home because I really didn't make enough money to justify being away from my baby. I wanted to be home with my kids every day and we are fortunate enough to be able to make that happen. 


So, now that Maya is in school, I am really excited to see her have so many opportunities to learn and grow. The problem is, of course, finding balance.


She is an outgoing kid with a curious mind and a love for learning. And she's an awful lot like her mama, she's got a bit of the drama and arts bug in her. 


Sadly, public schools cannot offer a large amount of instruction in art, music, dance, etc. so we have quench those interests outside of school.


But how much is too much? 


She's in soccer right now and loves it. It's going to be one practice a week and a game on the weekend. She gets so much exercise in addition to learning the value of good sportsmanship, discipline, perseverance, etc. 


I also just signed her up for ballet and tap class. It's once a week with a recital in December. We aren't at the competition stage so it's not a huge time or mental commitment.


Then, her school is offering a music class. It would be once a week and she could learn to play the flutophone. (I think they totally made that instrument up. Or are they just trying to BS me by calling the recorder a fancy name? We don't easily fall for that shite.) 


THEN, Maya's been asking to take art class. So the city is offering a drawing class once a week for only five weeks at a time. 


If I'm going to be honest, I want her to do it all. I know so many people will gasp and say, "You are going to stress her out!!! Kids need time to play and just be free."


I totally agree! I want her to have time to breathe and relax and all that good shit.


But here are my two issues....one being me and one being Maya. 


Me: I am an over-achiever by nature. I never want to miss a thing. Every single weekend is jam-packed with activities and shit and I'm always stressed out. But I also have a lot of great memories and feel like a well-rounded individual. 


Maya: She's like me. She isn't into sitting around and relaxing. She always wants to be with friends and DOING something. If we are home, she actually has a hard time thinking of something to do by herself. It drives me a little crazy but it's her personality. She begs for me to put on television because she just doesn't know what else to do. I would rather her be busy in classes than asking me to watch freaking Dora. I hate that bitch!


Now, I know I could've totally made Maya that way. But she doesn't appear to be a stressed out child. And, because she seems happy, I do not want to hold her back from learning all she can learn. 


So do I let her try and do it all? Or do I make a parental decision to limit her activities and just encourage her to have more free play at home?


I'll be up all night, people.


What do you think is best?

Obsession: Back to School Clothes

So tomorrow my life ends. My little baby girl will become a kindergartener. 


All summer I thought to myself, I won't cry. There's nothing to cry about. She's always been social and independent. She's gone to preschool for two years now. This isn't any different. 


But then I got one of those automated calls from her new school's principal. It was a simple reminder that tomorrow was the first day of school.


And I bawled giant, sloppy, snotty tears of heartbreak. 


So if an automated phone call can bring that on, I'm fearing full-blown hysterics tomorrow. They may need to call my mom to come pick me up. 


I actually heard a story of that happening once to a lovely Jewish secretary at Larry's office. Tomorrow may complete my own transition to an insane Jewish mother. I get all verklempt just thinking about it. 


Obviously I've been in denial in the past couple weeks. But with all the shopping to do as a distraction, who could blame me?


The cute outfits (and the important education of my oldest child) are the only things getting me out of bed at 6 a.m. I'm telling you I don't get up that early for anything. It's a good thing I went into labor at night with my two kids because if my water had broken at 6 a.m., I may have just grabbed a towel, wrapped it around myself and went back to sleep until a decent hour.


But shopping for Maya will always be my saving grace in life. Because I love me a cute get-up. It will clear away all the cobwebs and the sorrow. 'Til there's none. 


Here are a few of the key pieces I put together for my darling Bean. 


Clothes

The school day jumper from Brooklyn designer Dressing Em. It cost a small fortune but I was really disappointed that Maya's school won't have uniforms so I decided to make this jumper a part-time uniform. The plan is that she will wear it once a week. You can dress it up or down and she loves it. Especially since she prefers to only wear dresses or skirts these days.

Two more play dresses from Hanna Andersson and Tea Collection. They are easy and simple but sturdy enough to hold up to intense kinder play.

I made a special trip to Mission Viejo to check out the Zara Kids there. I'm in love with Zara but am not yet twiggy enough to wear their clothes myself. This jumper had me at the word "pinafore." 

For the days I can talk her out of dresses and skirts, it will be an outfit like this. Of course, I can't get enough of navy stripes so this sweater from Old Navy was perfect. And, on a trip to Fashion Island, I floated on a cloud into the Peek, Aren't You Curious store and found a FRIDA KAHLO t-shirt!!!! The back reads, "Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly?" LOVE. And, of course, the obligatory Gap skinny jeans. 


Shoes

To go with the school day jumper and all my daydreams of having a little French girl, I got these red maryjanes from Garvalin. Apparently, they are magic shoes that will massage her feet and shit. I just think they are pretty.

Maya picked these shoes out of the line-up at Nordstrom before I even noticed them. They were perfect, stylish and functional with a hint of sparkle. It's not often that we agree on something so I think these Converse are pretty special. 


Accessories

There aren't many accessories appropriate for the school yard (no hats or jewelry) but I think these knee-high socks and sparkly polka-dot tights from Crewcuts were made with me Maya in mind. 


Hope everyone is enjoying back to school shopping as much as I am! 


I'd also love your input on the new site design! I'm excited about makeover. :-)

Obsession - Pinterest and My General Incompetence

Are you on Pinterest?


I am in love. I am obsessed. I am consumed. I am depressed.


This website is my new bulletin board for inspiration in design, style, cooking...anything you can imagine. Not only can I pin my own favorite things onto it, I can follow others who also have great taste!


It's wonderful. I love spending minutes upon hours just browsing the great photos and getting ideas for dinner, for dressing Maya, for that fabulous updo that I could recreate on myself when the queen invites me to a royal ball.


Unfortunately, it also reminds me of what a loser I am. 


If I had more money, I would buy that!


If I had more time, I would cook that!


If I had any talent, I could totally sew that!


It's brutal on the self-esteem. But I cannot look away. It's like day-dreaming along with a million photos. People also post inspirational posters, so that helps. 

Perfection. 


But I really do like this one. I'm thinking of nailing it to Maya's headboard.

But she'd probably ignore it. I'd better just tattoo it on her arm instead. 


See what I mean? You go in admiring adorable little mushroom pincushions....you come out inking your daughter. Inspiration is a slippery slope, my friends.


But, if you join, people let me know so I can follow you!


Also, a small request, if you enjoy reading my random musings, please "follow" me. I only have 9 followers and it's murder on my OCD. Every day I think, "Will today be the day I enter the double-digits?" I've thought that for about 200 days now. I can't sleep at night! 


Help me sleep, people!!!


And thank you for reading!

Obsession - Green and Crunchy Lunch Gear

Though my week still sucks a chicken's butt, surprisingly a chicken has been my life preserver. If you have not read it yet, you muuuuust read The Bloggess' post from this week. Without it, I may not have gotten out of bed and my children would now be considering Dora their real mother. That bitch is always trying to usurp my life anyway. 


Each day, after I've read that post a few dozen times, I would turn my obsessive attentions to the latest pressing topic -- Maya's lunch box. 


Maya's going to a nature camp in a few weeks and they ask that you send your child's lunch in reusable containers. I consider myself an eco-minded individual, but I have to admit that convenience (read: complete laziness) always wins when packing our food to-go. We're talking Costco quantities of Ziploc bags. They are probably choking a baby seal as we speak. I'm a horrible human being.


But I'm striving to be better. Much better. But also better in an oh-so-stylish sort of way.


When Design Mom posted about these lunchboxes, it was love at first sight.

And, of course, the insanely expensive cost of those bitches only sealed the deal. I had to have them. If they cost a lot, they MUST be good. And the good people at Planet Box have convinced me on their website that the cost is totally justifiable because of the quality of the materials and the promise that it will last even after we are buried alive in everyone else's garbage. 


But I knew Larry would consider  divorce or at least a good stabbing if I purchased them so I just put the lunchbox in and out of my shopping cart every day. Some times I would even enter my shipping address. But I never pulled the trigger and bought them.


Today, a brilliant plan came to mind.


My mom came over and she knew I was having a hard week. The stars aligned. She wanted me to feel better and I wanted a new pony. But I don't even have a backyard so a pony wasn't practical. 


I know! You can buy Maya this new lunchbox!


Everyone now wins. Me, Maya, Larry, my Mom, the planet Earth, the U.S. economy... I really think I should get some sort of altruistic, environmental medal for this one. 


So it has been ordered. So it shall bring joy. In 3-5 business days. 


BTW, Planet Box has not paid me or even sent me a free lunchbox for this post. But I totally think they should at least send me an extra set of magnets. I'm just sayin'. 

PS. Larry is now saying that I'm not allowed to send it with Maya to kindergarten because she will lose it. I wonder if Planet Box sells insurance on these bitches.

Obsession - Little Girl Swimsuits

Today was Maya's preschool graduation! 


Yes! I'm still crying!


But I am taking comfort in the fact that summer is finally here. And I live in Southern California! 


Still crying though!


Anyways, as I was saying, I love summer break even though it is not relaxing at all. Every year, I jam-pack summer with trips to the beach, the zoo, the museums, camping, parks, cook-outs... It is non-stop until school starts in September. I love every minute of it. 


My obsession with summer always begins with finding the perfect bathing suit for Maya. Or, shall I say, the perfect seven bathing suits for Maya. I think I have six right now so there is room for one more. 


I know it sounds crazy for a child to have seven bathing suits but hear me out for a second.


She always gets a bathing suit for her birthday. No matter who its from, I always love it because it reminds me that summer is coming and that she has grown out of last year's bathing suit. So now I have a new one in case it gets warm early and I can hit the beach in April. But I didn't pick it...so I need another one.


Then there's the bathing suit she always gets from my mom in her Easter basket. That one stays at my parent's house so she has it ready for their pool. So that one really doesn't count.


Then there's the bathing suit I bought last year on sale. That one doesn't really count either because it isn't new to me. I saw it last year. 


Then there's the bathing suit I see online and become obsessed with even though it costs an insane amount of money. This year it is a Janie and Jack one that sold out almost immediately. And now it's on Ebay for $119.

Ain't it purty? I loved it and dreamt about it for a week before I came to my senses. Luckily I found a more reasonable substitute at Crewcuts. 

That is, if you find $50 reasonable for a child's bathing suit...which Larry does not. But this one was 20% off and free shipping when I purchased it. And he said, "Well then, that's practically free!" And I chose to ignore the sarcasm and pretend that he was as excited about it as I was. It worked out nicely.


And then I saw this bathing suit at Boden...

And I was in love once more. So I ordered it and it came from England. Good old England. They make such pretty things. Like him...

So pretty.....


Oh yes, bathing suits. So the Boden one came and I love it but I realized that it will probably fade considerably over the course of the summer. Of course, I do have the Crewcuts one and the other Crewcuts one that I got last year....


But wait, what is this I see while wandering lost through Sears? Lands End? Well, the baby Jesus obviously meant for me to get lost and find myself amongst cute, well-made swimsuits that are 50% OFF! 


So I must get this one!

And all is right with the world. Here is the final count. Two bathing suits for the pool. One two-piece bathing suit which I know many moms are vehemently opposed to putting on their child. If I only needed one or two suits, I may not choose a two-piece myself but they are extremely practical for going to the beach and for going to the restroom at the beach.


And then there are other three that will make my heart sing every time she wears them. And isn't that all that matters in life people? 


Larry? 

Obsession - Scrabble

While camping with our friends a couple weeks back, I was reintroduced to Scrabble.

Not a good idea.

I’ve avoided playing Scrabble for many years because I thought I wouldn’t be any good at it. I thought it would be like bowling, just another forum for public embarrassment.

But then I thought, Who cares if people judge me and think me mentally challenged? Actually I thought, I was really good at Maya's word scrambles the other day. I may actually be decent at this. People will not laugh. They will be amazed at my natural ability and cower when I enter the room.

And, as it so turns out, I was decent. I almost won except Larry ran out of tiles and he got all our leftover points and that put him over the top. That lousy cheater. So I became bitter and driven to improve.

A week later, on Mother’s Day, I broke out our Scrabble set and played my brother. Again, I lost. I became even more bitter and now a little crazy obsessed. Ok...a lot crazy obsessed.

I started playing online. And that’s when all the trouble started.

Hours upon hours were now devoted to this game. I ignored laundry, chores, my husband, my children. I could not put the damn iPad down. It was a new virus to invade our household. One that could not be cured without a little bloodshed.

And even while I honed my skills against the computer, my best friend Elise was kicking my ass on Facebook. The first time this happened I found it unacceptable and I forfeited.

But apparently forfeiting is unacceptable in polite Scrabble circles, so I was forced to play her again and she is currently kicking my ass a second time. 

Finally, on my father’s birthday this past Sunday, I challenged my brother to a rematch. And, finally, praise the Lord, finally, I was the one doing the ass whooping.

And now, my friends, I shall retire. But not without learning a few important life lessons... 

1. Scrabble is sent to us from the devil Lucifer.
2. You don’t need a large vocabulary to play Scrabble. You just need to be able to memorize all two-letter words in existence. And all words that begin with Q that don’t need a U.
3. Your children will suffer if you forsake them for Scrabble. I think Maya lost a couple pounds from both hunger and transferred anxiety. 
4. If you play a stranger on Facebook, it’s not like Match.com. He will not want to date you for your superior intellect. In fact, if you are beating him, Jeremy D. will just stop playing the game.
5. It would be more helpful for me to pursue any other addiction besides Scrabble. I’m thinking of taking up an addiction to the drug speed instead. It will help me be a more productive, skinnier wife and mother.
6. Scrabble is sent to us from the devil. (I feel this bears repeating.)
7. Scrabble points are not like money. They will not impress anyone in Orange County.
8. It’s ok to lose in Scrabble to anyone and everyone but your brother. Because friends and, sometimes, husbands come and go. But a brother will never let you live that shit down.
9. Apparently “quo” is not a word but “qat” is. That’s some fucked up shit right there.
10. You can retire from Scrabble and then pick it up again some day. Like Celine or Cher, I plan to rise from the ashes and shame all those who have once shamed me. Just you wait bitches!

So, when I finally put the iPad down for an hour, I decided I would return to the land of good, nurturing mothers and set up a nice artsy project for my kiddos.  It’s called Sidewalk Painting.

I saw this on the blog Pink and Green Mama and I would recommend it as a highly effective way to keep the kids creative and busy.

Basically you mix cornstarch, food coloring and a little water in muffin tins. Then you give the kids some paintbrushes and let them go to town.

I would call him my little Jackson Pollock but I'm pretty sure Pollock never tried to eat the paint.

I’m telling you, my house was much happier today. And I’m sure it will be even happier tomorrow when the speed really kicks in.