Confession - My Little Fighter

I don't remember much of what happened exactly two years ago today. But here's what I do remember...


On July 6th my parents left for a weekend trip to Las Vegas. The last words my dad said to me were, "Don't go having that baby and ruining our trip." He was kidding, of course.


My water broke about 10 hours later. 


I gently woke up Larry and, in a quiet daze, we began packing for the hospital. Our scheduled c-section wasn't for another two weeks so we were not at all prepared for an early baby.


We woke up Maya, drove down to Hoag Hospital and met Larry's mom in the waiting room. 


After checking in, I got my magical epidural (only after we called my parents in Vegas and told them they better hightail it on home). 


But it all gets very blurry after that.


Lincoln was born at 6:52 a.m. 


There were tears of joy.


Then he wouldn't eat. And he grunted a lot but didn't cry. 


The nurse began to looked concerned and there were hushed conversations.


Eventually they took him to the NICU but, because of the drugs I'd been given, I was too out of it to know what was going on. 


A doctor came in looking very grim. He talked about my baby being very sick. I don't know if it was the drugs but I began to give up hope of knowing my Lincoln. 


They wheeled me into the NICU and I hesitantly touched my baby's arm through a hole in an incubator. I didn't even want to touch him. That's how scared I was. I felt like I didn't even want to know him only to then lose him. 


Things continued to get worse for Lincoln overnight and Dr. Grim told us there was nothing more they could do for him at Hoag. He had to be transported to the Children's Hospital.


A team of eight people from CHOC brought him to my room to say goodbye. I couldn't be discharged from the hospital yet. So my baby was leaving without me. It was the worst moment of my life.


They gave me a small blanket to sleep with so that they could give it to Lincoln and he would know my smell. That blanket became my security very quickly. I felt like it was the only thing I could do for my son beside pray. 


I soon came out of the fog of the drugs and learned more about Lincoln's condition. Somehow I had passed on a bacterial infection to him while he was still in utero. All his little organs could not handle the infection and he was hooked up to every wire and tube known to man or woman.

But I will forever praise God, medicine, doctors and nurses because they all rushed in at exactly the right moment to save his life.

He was put on antibiotics for two weeks at CHOC. And he fought and thrived every single day he was there. I waited patiently to hold him again. I pumped my milk. I arranged for daily outings for Maya. I traded shifts at the hospital with Larry so we could be close to Lincoln as much as possible. Every moment was filled with hope and strength and love and energy. 

And then, finally, I had the best moment of my life.

He is my miracle.


It's hard for me to believe now, looking at my little tyrant, that two years ago he couldn't even breathe or eat on his own. 


Yet today, he is strong and he is vocal and he is filled with the life I gave him and God let him keep. 


Another day I will tell you about how I think he has a little bit of the devil in him too. 


But, for today, I'm just going to remember my blessings. 


And celebrate Lincoln Joaquin Ferchaw turning two years old!


Thanks for listening.