Monday, May 30, 2011

Confession - Moms Just Wanna Have Fun


Confession – Moms Just Wanna Have Fun

This past weekend, the Ferchaws went on a road trip to Las Vegas. We actually stayed at Lake Las Vegas, which is a small resort community about a half hour from the Strip.

On paper, it was a nice family vacation. The suite we stayed in was gorgeous, the weather was nice and the food was great. We spent time by the pool. I had some “me time” in the gym and at the spa getting a pedicure. We journeyed to the Strip twice for an awesome buffet and for the Shark Reef Aquarium at Mandalay Bay.

All of that was swell but something deeper kept tugging at my soul. I think it was the siren song of true and pure, good ol’ Vegas debauchery.

I grew up going to Vegas. I considered the midway at Circus Circus my home away from home. Of course, Vegas was a different place back then. Now it isn’t considered a family destination and I get that. But still the city speaks to me and I miss it from time to time.

Last time I was in Vegas, I was seven month pregnant with Lincoln. It was a fun trip with our other couples’ friends but the experience definitely left me unsatisfied. No drinking, no partying, no acting the fool….what is the point?

And even though the whole purpose of this weekend was family time, that same nagging feeling kept pecking at my nervous system. I must have fun. I must have fun. I must have naughty fun.

Yet Friday night, the night we arrived after a six-hour car trip, I found myself falling asleep next to Lincoln at 9pm while listening to the hoot and hollers of the nightlife outside our room. No, I will not be getting down on it with Kool & the Gang tonight I thought.

Saturday was the same. We ventured to the Strip to check out the new City Center. That was just a mistake. The scene at the Cosmopolitan made me feel like the frumpiest granny to ever leave Hicksville. There was T & A as far as the eye could see and I think I was staring at girls’ nalgas more than the straight boys were. I was mesmerized.

And everyone seemed to be having fun. I kept wondering, When did I stop having fun? Did I ever have fun? I cannot remember my youth. Where is my joie de vivre? Where is my foot-long daiquiri?

I hit that buffet hard that evening. This 32-year-old girl put it away with the best of them.

And, again, I was asleep by 9:30 pm with Lincoln and my new food baby growing in my belly.

The next day I hit an all-time low. And it involved, as most of my lows do, a dirty diaper.

Lincoln’s stinky nappies could probably bring down an elephant with their odor. So whenever they occur, we must properly dispose of them somewhere far and isolated from civilization. Unfortunately, at the hotel, this required a walk down the world’s longest hallway, a trip down the elevator and another walk outdoors to the nearest trashcan.

I had avoided this walk of shame all weekend but it was finally my turn to pay my motherly dues.

So I briskly half-run, half-jog to the elevator before the fumes can cause any permanent damage on my nervous system. I walk into the elevator, look up and see a bunch of grown-ups dressed to the nines for their night on the town.

I am holding the world’s most odorous object.

Not knowing what to do, I put it behind my back and walk sideways into the elevator praying they don’t think I just farted because they might just think I’m dying and call an ambulance. They all look at me and politely smile but I cannot even make eye contact. I stare straight down at my pajama pants and my orthotic flip flops and wish the diaper would just finish us all off then and there.

When I returned to the room, I vowed not to spend another night asleep by 10 pm. After the kids went to bed, we gave my mother-in-law our thanks and headed to the newly opened casino in the Lake Las Vegas village.

A band was playing music so Larry and I sat down at the bar and ordered our Tanqueray and tonics. The band played “Black Velvet” which isn’t my usual cup of tea but beggars can’t be choosers.

Five minutes later the song ended, the band said good night, our drinks were consumed and Larry had lost $20 to video poker.

And we were in bed by 11 pm. It was a small victory. Baby steps. We wouldn't want to sprain anything. 

I know that we are parents and this is our current lot in life. But I think I didn’t sow my wild party oats enough in college. The blue hair, the pierced tongue…they were all an elaborate costume with no actual wild side to show for it.

But I am still relatively young and still have life in me people!

There's nothing I can do about it tonight. After another six-hour car ride, we are back in the Orange County. And God knows there ain't nothing wild going on around here. Unless you count the cougar bar down the road. Hmmmm.....

No. It's best that I just plan my triumphant return to Vegas. 

And I am warning the city of Las Vegas right now to be on guard for my triumphant return! It’s gonna get messy! Or something!

Until then…yawn, good night. 

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