Thursday, March 24, 2011

Confession - The Bad Day

Newsflash: I'm a whiny bitch.

Maybe not so much news to anyone.

And I had a rotten day. But instead of silently suffering and letting it go at the end of the day, I relive it. And write about it. And vent. And cry. And take you all down with me.

Lincoln has had a fever all week long. And, like mama, he doesn't soldier through sickness calmly. He screams and cries and throws tantrums. Like mama.

I guess that is his prerogative as a toddler but I don't have to like it. Especially when Maya doesn't become any less needy for attention and Larry is working late two nights in a row. It has been helllllllll.

So around 2 o'clock, I threw both the children in the bath to play while I sat in a catatonic state on the toilet being drenched by their splashing shenanigans. And this is what went on in my brain...

God, I need a pedicure. And a massage. And a facial. And chili cheese fries. Where can I get all those things at once? Only in my dreams. Well, since I'm dreaming, Colin Firth will be there. And Larry. I guess my husband should be in my dream scenario. 

I really just need a pedicure. Can I get one right now? How can I get the kids to sit still and shut up for one hour? Do you think they will play Yo Gabba Gabba at the nail salon if I asked them to? They probably have a policy against torturing other paying customers. 

So I will go this weekend instead. What else do I need to do this weekend? A million chores that can only be accomplished when I have Larry babysit his own children. I will go to Target. God, I love Target. And Colin Firth. And chili cheese fries.

If I get the chili cheese fries, how many miles will I have to walk on the treadmill to burn them off? Is it worth it? Is Maya drowning Lincoln? No, he's laughing. We're all good. 

What will I do with them when bath time is over? How long can I let them stay in there? They're not bothering me. But I kinda bored. I'm really bored. So bored. Booooooorrrrrrred. Boredy bored bored. I wish I had the Ipad. Why did Larry take it today? How fast can I run to my room, check my email and be back? They say it only takes a minute for a child to drown. I don't know who "they" are but they're fucking up my life right now.

I won't leave. That would really be awful if one of them drowned. They are kinda cute kids. One of them could buy me a beach house one day. Or not. My parents thought I would buy them one. And we see how that turned out. 

Damn, my toes look bad. And I still want the fries. I'm gonna get the fries. It's happening. It's a plan. I'm so excited! Something to look forward to in life!!! 

At that moment, I got them out of the bath and drove around town until I happened upon a McDonalds.

I got two small fries. Maya and Linc shared one and I had the other all to myself. It was a blissful 15 minutes of peace and quiet and salty, fatty goodness.

And then we got home. And the crying started again.

The end.

UPDATE: I have a confession to make about my confession. I ate them fries in 15 seconds, not minutes. And It wasn't a small fries. It was a medium fries. Whew...I feel better now.

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