Obsession - Amazon Woman

I’ll keep this obsession post brief because I don’t want it to sound like an advertisement but I am OBSESSED with Amazon.com. I assure you that I get no money for saying this because Amazon has no idea who I am. I can’t even get my mom to read this blog on a regular basis. But I heart them in a big way.

Because of them, I rarely have to leave the house. I get to sit on my booty and shop whilst my booty gets bigger and my bank account dwindles down to nada. And whatever I order these days comes shipped for free and in two days! Two days, people!! I can’t get Larry to take out the trash or Maya to pick up her toys in that time span.

And it’s only $3.99 for overnight shipping. You can’t even drive across the street for that much!

This life-changing deal with the devil began about a month ago when I signed up for Amazon Prime. I didn’t read the fine print very closely so I’m sure they are expecting my kidney in the mail any day now but, in the meantime, I get to enjoy 30% off diapers and the free shipping dealio. If you’ve got an active shitter, as I most definitely do, then you would be wise to get onboard.

But today I nearly broke down in tears when I realized that Amazon can help me, help you. I ordered a nose hair trimmer.

I have been living in denial but I’ve probably needed this gadget since I was 10 years old. And this week, with my cold and all, the urgency of the “situation” has become apparent. And now that I’ve over-shared, you can gag a little and we will both move on.

But shopping online is a beautiful thing that makes life with two children infinitely easier. Thank you baby Jesus for Internet shopping.

The End.