Sunday, March 13, 2011

Confession - Maya Bean's Greatest Hits




I am freaking out. My first baby is turning 5 years old. Why is this birthday such a hard one?

My little Bean is an amazing girl with a big heart, a big brain…and a big mouth. Just like momma! She loves dinosaurs as much as mermaids. She hates cooked carrots but loves shrimp more than cupcakes. She ought to be on stage someday because she walks, talks, sings and dances as if the cameras are always on her.

She is confident, happy and really funny. There isn’t a person we know who hasn’t laughed at her crazy words. 

So, in honor of her fifth birthday, I am sharing some of Maya Bean’s verbal Hall of Fame.

It begins with Maya, me and this little convo…

Me: You know what? Let’s just skip this birthday! OK? How about you just stay four years old forever?
Bean: No Momma! Don’t you want me to be five?
Me: No.
Bean: Don’t you want me to go to kindergarten?
Me: Not really.
Bean: Don’t you want me to go to Vegas someday?
Me: (Silence…Crickets…Mouth agape.)

I cannot remember a time when Maya wasn’t saying something. Anything. Do you want to know Maya’s first sentence?

“I don’t like Uncle Paul!” 

We just got back from a cruise to Mexico with Larry’s family, including his stoic (but very caring) Uncle Paul. Maya was a little intimidated by him. So sitting in our living room, talking to my parents about the trip, Maya opens her tiny little lips and expresses herself coherently, for the first time. And she blasts a relative. (Fortunately, she is now very fond of him.)



Preschool has also inspired some interesting tidbits such as…

“I like boys who have cars and are a little bit naughty.”

And there was the time her teacher pulled me aside to make sure all was well at home. Yes. Why? During share time, one child told the class that her father had broken his arm. Maya, who will not be outshined, does him one better. “Well, my Daddy is dead.”

(The details of Larry’s passing are still not clear. Apparently there was a lot smoke and commotion, according to the concerned Scottish teacher, Mrs. Kendrick.)

When Maya isn’t talking to an actual human being, she’s talking to her imaginary friends. There are at least five of them and she is very offended when I forget one of their names.

But I just had to banish Sally, the OG imaginary friend, after Maya informs me…

“Sally doesn’t live here anymore. She says your house is too dirty.”

I said it before and I’ll say it again. That bitch ain’t welcome here no more!

Maya’s zingers just love taking aim at my self-esteem.

Maya: You always beat me in Just Dance.
Me: Momma is just a really good dancer. But I’m sure that, with practice, you will beat me when you are my age.
Maya: When I am your age, you will be up in heaven.

But she is a very sweet girl. Even when she asked, on the day we brought Lincoln home, “Can we could have a dog instead of a baby?”

We knew she didn’t really mean it….Hopefully.

And then there’s this…

Maya: Do you have a friend named Michael?

Me: I used to when I was younger.

Maya: Why not anymore?
Me: Sometimes when you get older, you don't speak to the same people as when you were little.

Maya: When I get older, I probably won't speak to you anymore.

I watch her learn and grow each day in amazement and wonder…and a little bit of fear. She is A LOT like me. It’s a little scary. Let’s hope she uses her powers for good. Fingers crossed!

Luckily, there’s a little bit of Larry in her too. Unfortunately that includes the sarcasm, like when she answers me, “Yes, Your Majesty.”

Despite the randomness that comes out of her mouth, I think she’s an incredible little booger. Even if she refuses to wear pants at home and calls the Marriott a “Ho and Tell.” These things will pass! Right?

Right?

Anyone?

(Happy Birthday, my little love! Momma loves you more than any words could express.)



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