Monday, June 13, 2011

Confession - Best Parenting Advice. Ever.

Some mommy blog network thingy-maggigy posted this status today:

"If you were to write a blog post giving yourself advice on becoming a mom for the first time, what would you say?"

And I thought, Well, golly gee. I should have plenty to write about that.

So I thought and thought...and thought some more. This is what I came up with. 

Buy a lot of ice cream.

And, though this solution totally applies to a myriad of parenting problems, I began to think it wasn't good enough. So I came up with another one.

Just remember, poop is not the enemy. Watermelon is.

And I believe that to be excellent advice. (Think about it. Think about the chicken or the egg.) But it still doesn't have the wisdom and the light necessary to guide 27-year-old Michelle into the next five years. So this one popped into me noggin'.

The answer to the question "But why, Mama?" is always "God." (Or "magic" if you choose to become an atheist.) 

And while that one does have a nice spiritual message, I think I need to dig deeper.

When in a pickle, just trust your gut. If that fails, just trust your watch. It'll be bedtime soon. 

I think it's a classic. Right up there with "Dance as if no one is watching." But here's a bonus one for you, people. (I know! It's like you've won the lottery, right?)

Your children love you more than anyone else in the world. Remember that when you get a headbutt to the nose or a dirty look when you turn off Dora. Remember it and let them live another day. 

Of course, I'm still learning all the time so I'm not sure the old me should listen to the new me quite yet. Also, the old me and the new me have long term memory problems so, in the event I travelled back in time to give young Michelle some advice, I doubt old, haggard Michelle would remember it at all. I know what you're thinking, How could you forget traveling back in time and talking to yourself? If anyone could forget such a moment, it would be me.

And it's probably best that way. I wouldn't want to see how much I've aged in just five short years. It's worse than what happens to the president. I used to get carded all the time! 

Now, not so much. Sigh. 

Oh, here's another tidbit of advice.

Invent Skinnygirl Margaritas. 

So what advice do you have? 

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